


I Can't Fucking Do This Anymore

by LordLaurance



Series: 1,000 Words [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: 1000 Words or Less, 1000 words, Alcohol, Anorexia, Anxiety, Arguing, Crying, Depression, Drug Use, Drugs, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt, Fake Relationship, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fighting, Gay, Gay Character, Gay Characters, Gay Male Character, Hiatus, Hidden Relationship, Hidden Relationships, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentions of Anxiety, Mentions of Eating Disorder, Multi, One Direction Hiatus, Panic Attacks, Profanity, Recreational Drug Use, Sad Zayn Malik, Swearing, alcohol use, bad contract, beard (relationship), gay relationship, management, mentions of anorexia, mentions of depression, short fic, simoncowelloverparty, zayn leaves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-07
Updated: 2019-01-07
Packaged: 2019-10-05 21:11:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17332427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LordLaurance/pseuds/LordLaurance
Summary: Zayn can't handle this. He can't handle the hate, the pain, the anger and the fear. He can't handle the beards and the babygates, the fights and the arguments. The rest of the boys have already reluctantly renewed their contracts, but you can't sign a shredded paper.





	I Can't Fucking Do This Anymore

**Author's Note:**

> Partially inspired by this pic here:

 

“Zayn, you can’t. We’ve been over this!” Simon groaned, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

“But, think of Harry and Louis!” Zayn argued, brow creased.

“Harry and Louis need to keep quiet! Just like the rest of ya. No excep-“

“It’s killin’ ‘em, Simon!”

The much older man shook his head apathetically, to which Zayn snorted, pushing his chest so as to get passed him.

Zayn could hear Paul behind him, following the young singer toward the door. “Selfish bastard,” Paul muttered, just loud enough that Simon could hear him.

Zayn would have kept stomping all the way to the car if not for Paul’s hand gripping his wrist, pulling him back once the door was slammed shut.

“Hey!” Paul called quietly. “Hey, Zayn!”

The younger of the two spun around, body sinking into the touch, groaning. “That was a waste of my fucking time!”

“Zee, calm down. Alright? You gotta calm down. There are fans out here.”

Zayn went to speak, but decided against it when he realized that his bodyguard was right. “Yeah, k. Got it,” He took a deep breath. “Can we please just… go?”

Paul nodded, looking over the small, shaking boy. “C’mere, love,” he took a step closer, opening his arms.

Zayn fell into Paul’s chest, letting out a few tearless sobs against his shirt before he finally composed himself. “I want Liam,” He said quietly.

“Alright, come on. Let’s go see the boys. Let’s go see Liam.”

 

“Li-Li,” Zayn called quietly as soon as he was inside the bus.

Liam rushed to collect his boyfriend in his arms, petting his hair. “Didn’t go well?”

Zayn shook his head.

The brown haired boy thanked Paul and took Zayn into the bunk area, where the other boys were hanging out.

Louis and Harry were propped up on one of the beds together, each with a bottle of beer in hand. Niall was across from them, Shawn in the bunk next door.

Shawn clutched Niall’s hand comfortingly as the other boy took a long drag of a small, roll-like object.

“Nialler finally tryin’ his first blunt?” Liam asked calmly.

Shawn nodded. “Said he hoped it would help him relax.”

It was normal for all the boys to drink and smoke together but, usually Niall just stuck to beer. Zayn sighed, for he knew this would all increase now that they got their contracts.

Harry wanted to renew them. Louis wanted to do what Harry did. Liam didn’t want this to end yet. Niall didn’t want to leave the others behind.

It was stupid, really. They were all stupid. There was so much misery within the five of them, which was easily projected onto Shawn, now that he had to hide their secrets. They should all have just thrown the contracts back in Simon’s face, gotten themselves out.

And yet, here Zayn stood, the only one who hadn’t yet signed that shit piece of paper.

He leaned on the bunk, rubbing his eyes. “Can you toss me a beer?”

Shawn reached into their cooler, throwing a cold can to Zayn.

“Liam?” he held up another can.

Liam opened his hands. He caught the can, snapping it open. “Thanks, man.”

The smell of the weed finally hit Zayn’s nose. He sighed.

 

It had been about an hour since the other boys went to sleep, Niall curled into Shawn’s chest and Louis big-spooning Harry.

Zayn, who had been laying on top of Liam’s stomach, face in his chest, rolled off of his boyfriend.

He located the contract, which the boys probably believed he had signed, and tossed it onto the couch. He sat down with it, looking over the words on it.

There were mentions of the closeting, of Perrie and Eleanor. There were limits on how much they could say about management in interviews and what questions they could answer.

It was a big decision, the one he was about to make. He knew he had to really think it through. Could he really leave the band? Could he really leave Liam, his boyfriend? Louis, his best friend?

He didn’t want to do it but, he knew he couldn’t stay. He couldn’t keep this up.

Liam’s depression, Niall’s insecurities, Louis’ anxiety, Zayn’s anorexia, it was all too much. It was too much for him. He couldn’t stand it.

So, Zayn made the biggest decision of his life. He pulled out Paul’s shredder and, within moments, the entire contract was in tiny, pathetic pieces.

He sunk to the floor, knees hitting the wood hard, his head falling into his hands. His body shuddered with more dry sobs until his voice cracked and tears began to spill down his tan cheeks.

“Zee?”

Zayn spun around, jumping a little. Niall was standing very nearby, right in the doorway of the bunks, rubbing his tired eyes with one fist.

“N-Niall-“ Zayn’s voice faltered unintentionally and, within moments, Niall was holding him tight, no idea what could be wrong but not caring.

“Zayn? Niall? What’s wrong?” Harry asked from the doorway.

The black haired man looked up again, biting his lip. All the boys were standing there, Shawn staying back to allow them to go forth and embrace Zayn.

“I just… I can’t fucking do this anymore!” Zayn whimpered, pointing to his shredded contract.

The boys quickly figured out what was happening, eyes filling with their own tears. They ran forward, joining Niall and Zayn on the floor. Louis and Harry burrowed themselves into the second oldest’s chest, just as Niall did. Liam, though, held his face tightly in his hands.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” he asked quietly.

“I didn’t wanna disappoint you…”

Liam pulled Zayn’s face closer, kissing him softly. “I love you, Zayn! I’m not disappointed! I’m so fucking proud! I just want you to be safe and happy and I’m so glad you’re thinking about _you_ for once.”

“We all are. Right, boys?” Harry asked.

All of them nodded.

“But what about-“

Louis cut him off, smiling. “We’ll be okay.”


End file.
